whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
