there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
