Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
