I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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