You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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