the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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