I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
