I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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