Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
