i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize