Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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