Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
