I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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