sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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