I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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