I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
