I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
high people should be assigned attendants
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That accounts for only three of the penises
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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