dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
