i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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