ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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