Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
