sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
