My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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