Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
