You really coming over, don't trick.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
