I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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