I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
