I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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