Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Randomize
