Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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