im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
