Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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