For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
