I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
