i think my tv is drunk
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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