RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
