I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
