i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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