The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
