You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
