is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
