I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize