he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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