I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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