Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
