Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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