We named our party play list daddy issues
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
