Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I am available for nakedness
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
