I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
