im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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