I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My friends, they love my intelligence
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
