i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Porn is love you can see.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
