So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
