did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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