You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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