hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
