need another drink. this is the easiest way
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
