Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The beer is more important than you right now.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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