I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
