Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
