I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
false alarm, still single
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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