3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
