I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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