he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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