this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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