Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
