i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
