i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Your penis caused this!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
