Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
