Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
