WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
