After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
