Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
