My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
