I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I wear drunk well.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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