Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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