my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
